First Night in Kings College & The "What if's"

So it was now a case of just waiting for the doctor at WHH to hear back from Kings to confirm they had a bed for Lauren. She got moved onto a ward so at least we didn't have to sit in the cold A&E department. Whilst waiting Mum & Dad were on the phone to different people and I was thinking what happened? All we knew was that two men found Lauren at the bottom of some steps and had phoned an ambulance. Had she fallen or had she been attacked? We just didn't know and Lauren didn't know either. We spoke to some of the people who had been with her that night & seemed to piece together she decided to go home & walked back up the Road of Rememberance and that was the last they saw/heard from her until they heard the news the next day. I know it isn't good to dwell on 'what if' but I just kept thinking what if Lauren had never have gone out that night, what if she had carried on walking down the road & got a taxi at the bottom, what if she had called it a night after her meal, what if she didn't have to drink that night, what if she had just called me & I could have gone to pick her up, what if the people that were with her had not left her.... but the what if that tortured me the most  & still haunts me this day was the what if I had also been out that night, as I had received a text earlier in the evening to see if I wanted to go out but I said no due to going to London the next day, then I would have seen Lauren & made sure she got home safely. I still got my trip to London just for all the wrong reasons...

It was about 11am that we got told Lauren would be going to Kings asap and to get ready to leave. Mum went in the ambulance with her & Dad, Sophie & I left in the car. The drive up the motorway wasn't too bad but as soon as we hit London it was just a nightmare! It was something stupid like 8miles from the motorway exit to the hospital but it took us over an hour to drive it. We saw the ambulance go past us so knew Lauren was there. We finally reached the hospital car park & realised we didn't have a clue where to go. We went in the Jubilee Entrance to be told that they didn't know where she was! Thankfully Mum called and said to go to the A&E department. I just remember thinking wow this hospital is massive & it just looked impressive from the outside & I thought this is the best place for my sister.

We finally found A&E and it was like we was in our very own epsiode of 'Casualty'. Nurses & doctors bustling around, machines beeping everywhere and their actual A&E ward was huge with the latest technology & then there was Lauren. Looking tiny on her bed, with a spinal board and the head support looking petrified. It was now a case of just waiting again as Kings wanted to do their own scan and there was also a mix up over the beds because they couldn't locate the doctor who WHH spoke to. Dad's sister, Julie, then arrived as she lives not far from London, and we all just waited. Nobody really spoke and we just sat in a deafening silence for what felt like hours, taking it in turns to go & sit with Lauren. Finally about 6pm the doctor had found her a bed in HDU on the Kinnier Wilson ward.

They moved Lauren up & we sat in the family room on the ward whilst they were sorting out Lauren's bed and the machines. There was already a family in the room and my first thought was OMG really? They were so loud and bubbly, the girl who was about our age, was talking about where she was going on her night out, two guys were playing a game on the I-pad and the mum was chatting away. I just wanted to shout at them & be like how can you be happy, my sister is practically dead in there and your being so loud, so normal! I regret thinking that now though because Mary & her family were actually lovely and made our time in Kings, now fun isn't the right word, but they were easy to talk to which is what you want when your cooped up in a room for 8hours a day!

Finally we was allowed in to see Lauren. She looked so scared and I felt so helpless as there was nothing I could do. She said she hated it and then I started to cry. She then whispered to me "Don't cry Lilly" and I was like I'm not I'm just tired. She attempted a little smile which didn't help the tears. I left her then and we decided that Sophie & I would go back with Julie as there was nothing more we could do at the hospital and Mum & Dad would wait until the consultant turned up to speak to them.

Back at Julie's, her husband Lee, was there trying to force us to eat something and have a shower as it would make us feel better. The shower did but the beans on toast didn't. I just played around with my food when my phone rung again. I swear even now when my phone rings and it displays "Dad" my heart stops & I dread whats coming next. Dad started to talk & I said "No, tell Julie I don't want to hear it" and Dad was like no you are hearing this from me. Which was simply the consultant had been round and confirmed she had severed her spinal cord and was paralised from the waist down. I just sat there, numb, whilst Julie spoke to Dad not knowing what to say or what to do. Mum & Dad then turned up at Julie's but nobody really spoke. Dad sat with Lee watching Match of the Day I think & then I went up to bed just so I didn't have to be with anyone and I just thought how can life change so dramatically in just 24hours...