The Strength of Friendship & Coming Home for Christmas

"The greatest battle one has to face is whether to give up or carry on; to battle against one's own mind. Once this battle has been won you can move forward & open up doors to new opportunities, new strengths & new challenges" (Leah Staveley, 2013)
 

After Jack's quote on the last post I felt like I needed to come up with my own. Good huh?! With each day we saw Lauren get a little stronger, from sitting up a little bit more to cleaning her own teeth, it was only tiny steps which would lead to big leaps in her recovery. The more she was willing to do things for herself, the quicker her recovery would be and thankfully she saw it this way to.

Lauren not being able to walk again was still a taboo subject. How do you tell a 24 year old who had everything to live for that she was unable to walk again? It was a subject that none of us wanted to address. We all questioned whether or not Lauren was aware of the severity of her injuries, I believed she did know deep down she couldn't walk again. One day at the hospital she told Sophie she knew what her injuries were and said "a fractured spinal cord, fractured skull, no feeling from the waist down and a chipped tooth". She knew she couldn't move her legs or feel them and who knew what went through her mind when she was laying in dark every night. I was petrified that she would ask me about her legs but however selfish this sounds I was thankful she didn't. The only mention she of her legs was asking to make "sure they weren't touching", to make "sure they were straight" and to make "sure they were covered up". It was horrible; for some reason I was scared to touch her legs. I think I thought that how could I touch my sisters legs when she can no longer feel them herself. When Abi & I were at Kings Lauren had said she got out of bed today in the hoist seat but didn't like it because she was scared, she said she "could see her legs moving but couldn't feel them". I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like except a very harrowing experience. It wasn't until she had been moved back to WHH that she, and the rest of us, began to broach the subject of walking.

When everyone first found out about Lauren, all her friends wanted to come and visit and show their support which was overwhelming. Lauren, however, didn't want anybody to see her how she was because she was scared of what people would think. I believed though it would do her good to see some friends just so she knew that no matter what they were there for her. I arranged with her old school friends- Lauren, Leanne, Brooke & Gemma- that if anyone was going to come and visit her that it would be them first and they couldn't wait to see her. Their visit was arranged for the 22nd December, two weeks after the accident. Lauren was worried about their visit and the day before had wanted me to cancel it but I said no I wasn't go. Its not like I forced the visit on her but I just knew that it would be good for her to see them and I was right (although Lauren will never admit it!). I said to her that day the sooner she starts to listen to me then sooner she will realise I am usually 99% right with what I say! Below are a few messages from the girls after they had seen Lauren...

"I remember I felt sick on the journey up & then just pure relief when I saw her. You hear someone is ok but sometimes you just need to see it for yourself. She was moaning about the sandwich guy not coming to ask her if she wanted anything anymore because she had asked him if the crisps were free! I loved that, it was just Lauren. The horrible bit was leaving her again knowing we wouldn't see her for a while..." (Brooke)

"Was really nervous to see her as she didn't know about not being able to walk & scared she would ask but once we arrived and found out Lauren was aware felt a little better because then we wasn't lying to her. I was also nervous about how she would be with us but as son as we started talking to her it was just the same Stav & everything was normal. She ranted about the nurses & other patients & everyone fussing. She kept saying how bad she looked but she's looked worse hungover before! Leaving her before Christmas made me sad as such a rubbish time of year but felt better knowing she was starting to accept her new life & that she wasn't letting it change her as a person & for her to know that we haven't changed towards her...(Lauren).

"I didn't know what to expect and was scared but also looking forward to seeing her. When I saw her she looked like Lauren apart from her crazy hair! To me she seemed ok considering what had happened. She was just like a hungover Lauren. She still had her sense of humour that I love about her and didn't make a fuss. She has done so well and I'm so proud of her. I love her to pieces. She really is an inspiration..." (Gemma).

"When we walked into the hospital it was a strange feeling. We saw Leah and she explained how Lauren had been and if she was rude then don't take it to heart. We know how Lauren can be blunt and that's why we love her so we always knew not to take it to heart. In my head I just kept thinking, oh she will be fine and will be back to her normal self. As time went on we realised that wasn't the case. I was worried to see Lauren as I didn't know what to expect. I was surprised as she looked like Lauren. I had a horrible fear she would look really poorly and sick. But apart from the Afro she had going on it was Lauren. It was so lovely to see her. She automatically made us laugh about the chanting women opposite her. That's when I think we all realised, phew we haven't lost her. She was so open and honest about it. We were worried to say anything or ask questions. But Lauren wanted to talk to us about it. We went away feeling so much better for seeing her. I think it was the fear of the unknown. I still can't get over how incredibly brave and positive she has been through all this. She truly is one of the bravest people I know. Although life is different now, she's still the bubbly Lauren that we all know and love. We will never let her be on her own and will love her no matter what. We were just so glad to see that she was still here and still herself. Leah was surprised she wasn't rude to us :) but I think not only did seeing Lauren help her, it helped us too. I hope we distracted her for a few hours. If not I'm sure the presents helped..." (Leanne)
 

The girls weren't the only ones that loved Lauren. Over the course of the week friends turned to facebook to express their love for Lauren. One night I went on facebook and my entire newsfeed was just filled with people changing their facebook pictures to ones of them and Lauren. It was really quite emotional the love and support she had and still has. People that I didn't even realise were close with Lauren changed their photos to show their support. Friends began to write on Lauren's wall. Just simple messages of "X X X" or "love you Stav" or "Thinking of you, be strong". Simple messages often have the biggest of meanings. I hadn't updated facebook since the accident, apart from changing my photo,(longest time ever without an update!) but the night the girls left the hospital I was lying in bed at Julie's listening to the most annoying 'tick tock tick tock' of Ben's clock when I decided to write a message to Lauren. What to write though? I wrote the first thing that came to mind, her favourite song, Rule The World.

That night as we left the hospital the Sister called Mum to say that they were looking at  moving Lauren back down to William Harvey because Kings had done all they could for Lauren now and until she got her place at either Stoke Mandeville or Stanmore, WHH could provide her with the right care. Stanmore had been to assess Lauren but she had not been too impressed with them saying that all they were doing was "selling" the hospital to her! It had been explained to her that whichever hospital had the bed first would be the one she goes to. Anyway, the Sister explained that all being well Lauren could be moved the next day (Sunday 23rd December) but it wouldn't be confirmed until that day and there was no time. Thankfully Mum & I were staying at Julie's so we was only a 40minute tube journey away should she go. Mum decided it was best not to tell Lauren of this possible move because if it all fell through Lauren would just get angry and upset. We also didn't tell anyone else because again it could potentially just be getting everyones hopes up for no reason. Thankfully on the Sunday morning we got the phone call to say she was being moved around lunch time.... yippeee!

Lauren was understandably excited about being moved back to WHH and so was I. It meant that on Christmas Day she would be as close to home as possible and just felt like her leaving Kings was progress in itself. All we had to do now was wait for the ambulance to arrive to take her back. She wanted McDonalds again so I did the power walk/ run down to McDonalds again (at least this time I was prepared for how far it actually was), Mum packed up all the cards people had sent up as well as all the other bits and pieces that turned up over the two weeks so they were all ready to go. In typical NHS style we got told she would be leaving at 12pm and then 2pm and then at 3:30pm I said to Mum I was going to leave to get home (Mum was allowed in the ambulance). I think she finally left around 6pm but at the end of the day she was on her way back home, well as close to it as possible!