24 and losing all dignity

Ego is just like dust in the eyes, 

Without clearing the dust,

You can't see anything clearly

So clear the ego.... And see the world

Imagine you are a 24 year old female, you are happy, you have great friends, the best social life, amazing partner, a good job and is totally independent...Now imagine having that life snatched away from you. I don't even know where to start, not being able to wash or dress, being fed by my sister and girlfriend, having my teeth brushed by someone, none of which should describe a young girl. 

One of my earliest memory's is being face to face with a nurse in kings, she was holding a sponge coming towards me saying  ' now let's get you washed' ,I automatically refused, I mean who at 24 wants someone else to wash them?!?! Her response was fine you do it yourself then and gave me the sponge, with all my might I tried to lift my head off the pillow and raise my arms - epic fail, who was I kidding, I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow let alone sit up and wash. So with great reluctance I gave in, I remember closing my eyes and cringing at the thought she would see my body.Something else I was going to have to get used to and deal with.

The bed washing continued pretty much until a couple of weeks after arriving at stoke. This was another hard obstical I had to overcome as a result of the injury. It made me feel like a child, I felt angry, I mean not walking is enough to try and deal with let alone having strangers wash me. As time went on I became a stronger until when at William Harvey I was able to help the nurses and wash my top half. This as a huge step for me and gave me a little bit of faith back and got me thinking maybe I can do this and get through this living nightmare.

I am a very body conscious person and very private about my body, well a least I was before 7th December 2012. I have lost count of the number of people who have seen my body, Lost count of the number of nurses saying the same bloody comment 'don't worry love, when you have children you lose all your dignity" ermm There is going to be no baby at the end of this.

 I don't have a lot of patience anyway and the nurses well and truley tested it. Hearing the same words over and over again, 'give it time, you will get stronger' well I didn't want to give it time and certainly couldn't see how in time I would get stronger. It's one of the loneliest feelings in the world being so incompetent, weak and feeling like a failure. There was no one who could really relate and understand, my way of dealing with this obstical was to laugh and make jokes about this horrific situation. 

 
Looking back over the past few weeks, I hate to say it, but yes in time I really did get stronger, one step a time, until finally now I can wash my whole body while in bed. ( Or quite easily have a shower but meh thats effort)The independence is coming back.