There's more to a spinal cord injury than not walking...

Every closed eye is not sleeping,

                                         And every open eye is not seeing
 
So, lets start with my injuries....  T12 complete ( the T stands for the art of the spine that is injured, so in my case the lower part of the spine. The complete stands for no movement below the level of injury,) 3 fractures to the skull, haemorrhaging to the brain, operation to place a metal work fixation on my spine and being told I will never walk again is a lot to take in for any person - dont you agree....

Well unfortunately life isn't that kind, there's more to add to that list, how about adding going to the toilet, loss of sense of smell, short term memory problems.

For as long as I can remember I had a catheter in until I arrived at Stoke. I assumed I had it ( as most people would) because I was in hospital and doesn't everyone who's ill in hospital have one?. No one even mentioned the catheter to me, it became a part of me. AlI I knew was that my internal organs were fine and luckily still working. 

It became apparent slowly that the staff in Kings were trying to make me poo, the nurse came up to me and lowered her voice and said to me to give her a shout when I had gone. I asked her where are the toilets and will all the drips be oaky coming with me, she looked at me as if I spoke a foreign language and replied... "You go in the bed" . " what here? On the ward?" Was my shocked outburst and she nodded and carried on.  I can remember thinking, what?! No way am I 1) pooing in bed, 2) not on the ward, 3) what if I farted and it was loud and finally what if it smelt?! Nope not happening. End of.

So days, weeks went by and I still had the catheter in and I still hadn't been for a number 2. Medication was given to 'help' including the most disgusting drink ever, well after a mouthful of it, there was noway I was drinking that. As usual the family thought I was over reacting over this drink ( well who could blame after reading the previous blogs). So I got Sophie to drink some and it then became clear that I was not over reacting over this drink at all. It was gross. I was given some tablets to help me go, we'll after a few weeks I decided I didn't want them no more and just left them. I remember 'accidentally' knocking them on the floor...Opps.

On arriving at Stoke and talking to Mr Derry, trying to process the reality of my injuries, he then slips in bowel management and SIC, self intermmitent catherisation, brought back own to earth with a bump "WHAT". He explained that although the  bladder and bowel are working, I will no longer be able to feel when I need to go to the toilet so I have to retrain the bowel and bladder. Retrained to use the loo at 24, disgusted with myself, what have I done to myself, anger overcame me, why, why had no one said anything to me until now.