"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyse you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. " Bernice Johnson reagon
I believe the above statement is true, I am destined to be in a wheelchair and if it had not happened in December then it would of happened another day, another way. Almost 9 months on now from that dreaded date and I feel at ease to say I am now discovering who I am.
A lot has happened since I last touched based here, so many thoughts and words to put onto here that they almost come out at once, making no sense, and containing a lot of typos. I have particularly found the past couple of months the hardest mentally, no one can prepare you for such a drastic change in your life. I have been through highs and lows, from feeling on top of the world knowing I can beat this disability to feeling so isolated and sad that I randomly start crying, mumbling the words ' I hate this' or another favourite is ' I can't do this'. If it wasn't for Sophie and Leah, I honestly do not know how I ever got out of them dark times, picked myself up and continued to plough on. I am forever in their debt, words will never be enough to thank them. They are my rock. As so is this blog, I love this blog. It creates a way for me to escape, express my feeling without being judged or questions. I can rant and vent all my anger out until I give in exhausted and the best thing, it does nothing but take it.
I am now the proud owner of 2 kittens, Soph brought them as a surprise for me. Freddie and Rory have been with us now for couple of months and I hold my hands up and admit it, I have turned into a cazy cat woman. Honestly they have helped me through the days at home, they have kept me company. The only people who will understand are the people with pets themselves, while others will read this and by the end will have one eyebrow raised as if to say 'what the f**k' lol.
I could continue writing and by the end me and you both will be n tears ( it doesn't take a lot). So deep breath......lets concentrate on he things I have achieved since I last spoke. Lets see, a new car, brand spanking 63 plate car. I was SO excited. I am missing driving so much, and to get back behind the wheel will give me so much more independence.
Also used a aeroplane for the first time, flew to Dublin for Soph's birthday. This was a well needed break. I wouldn't normally choose a city break, I like my sun..ALOT. However I was sensible and took the flight as only am hour long so it wasn't too long, well I wouldn't know as I fell asleep as soon as I got settled on the plane, missed take off and was woken up when the lane landed.. Oops.
I took a trip back to Stoke for a 3 month checkup and what a complete waste of time that was, I have managed to get some movement back and was all proud to show my consultant, he's reaction - his eyes widened and I think, I hope he has an explanation, running through my head are all sorts he might suggest, when he says " Well we are not optimistic are we Lauren" what little faith I had in myself, in him disappeared. I know I am never going to walk again, but still after being told that I would never get anything back because my injury was to sever I thought I had done pretty well.
Following on from this, I kept a video diary of m progress, I have ordered crutches so I can force myself to stand using them at home, I got lucky at the doctors (not in that way haha) and he seemed amazed by my leg and has referred me to physio and a pain management clinic so I can get the help need, I am so excited and relived that finally someone understating. Eeeeek!!!!!!!!i have uploaded a videos on to Facebook, and can ever so slightly move my others.
