I first set
up this blog in the weeks following Lauren’s accident so that she could share
her story and the highs & lows that comes as a result of being told you can
no longer walk at the age of 24. I never thought in a million years that I
would be writing another blog entry (unless of course Lauren got too lazy to
write herself & asked me to on her behalf) but sadly I am. I am sure many
of you who will be reading this all know that Lauren passed away in the early hours
of the morning on Saturday 31st January 2015 aged just 26.
Every night
since she died I have sat at the laptop trying to think what to write and
almost two weeks on I still don’t know so I’m going to keep it short and sweet.
For me it doesn’t feel like it has actually happened. Its all just been such a
blur and every morning I wake up and go to text her to tell her how Harry had kept me awake most of the night
and to ask how her night had been and then I remember I cant. Well I mean I
could text her but then I would be waiting for a reply which I would never
receive. If it wasn’t for Harry reminding me that for me at least life goes on
& I still need to be ‘Mum’ I don’t know how I would be coping or even if I
would be coping.
I made
reference in my first blog entry that the worst phone call I ever received was
from my dad telling me Lauren was in hospital but we didn’t know anymore. That
call seemed like a lifetime ago now and the one I had Saturday morning was even
worse. Who wants to be told their sister has died? All I remember is saying I
don’t want to hear it as I knew as soon as I got woken what the call was going
to be about. These past two weeks have been the hardest of my life- we had to
bury my granddad which should have been us Staveley’s putting the ‘fun’ back in
funeral but there was no fun about it as although we remembered my grandad;
Lauren was in our minds and all I kept thinking about it that’s going to be her
soon.
I am so proud
of everything Lauren achieved these past two years. I don’t think there are
many people that would have been able to overcome what she did, get back to work
within 6 months of the accident and adapt to living independently. But she
suffered and all the time she had a smile on her face there was pain behind her
eyes. She never got back her smile. The big beaming smile that defined Lauren.
She was always so brave. The worst thing for me,my family and I expect anyone
that knew her well was seeing her at her worst, when the pain was so bad that
she couldn’t talk or move yet knowing there was nothing we could do to help
her. Harry was the only one that could put a smile on her face in those dark
times and it breaks my heart that she won’t be here to see him grow up.
For months
after the accident I tortured myself thinking that if only I had been out with
her on that night then this would never have happened and Lauren would still be
the girl who loved to party, the girl who had the biggest brightest smile on
her face which was so cruelly taken from her. I kept thinking then that it was
a mistake and one day she was just going to wake up and be able to walk again
but really I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. The simple fact is that if
she hadn’t have been left on her own that night, she would never had have the
accident and she would be alive today and I have to live with the fact that I
wasn’t there when she really did need me the most and I never got to say
goodbye to my sister and best friend. Lauren was always a bit of a drama queen in life and could never do anything quietly and the same goes for her death. We are still unable to plan her funeral due to the coroners still trying to determine what caused her to die but once they are able to release her back to us and we can bring her home I am going to ensure that she has the brightest, biggest and best party she ever had.
I’m not
going to say rest in peace Lauren, I want you to go on and make sure you
party to make up for the past two years.
xxx
