4 in the morning

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,

But anyone can start today and make a new ending

  So it is 4 am, Wednesday 12th June 2013, and why am I awake so early? Well I never went to sleep because my lovely little friend called pain decided to pay me a late night visit the eve before. Getting settled to go to sleep and gradually the pain is becoming more and more intense, grabbed hold of me so quickly that within half an hour it had gripped my whole leg and had me screaming and crying for it to stop. It didn't. Medication,Oral Morphine, 4X Tramadol, Lavender drops on the pillow and pj top and massaging my foot and calf. Yet I am awake still being tortured by this pain, I am on edge, I can not relax as every few minutes it comes back, starts from my big toe, runs up to the back of the knee and back down again. Every so often it will take control of the whole leg and I have to put a cushion to my mouth to drown the screaming. Safe to say I am still a wimp when it comes to handling pain.

I fully appricate owning an IPad now, it has become my best friend during these long and lonely hours. Stalking through Facebook, although at this time there is nothing good going on. Playing (dare I say it?) CandyCrush. Do a bit of online window shopping,watch episode after episode of Come Dine With Me, however that's not alway a smart move as 9 times out of  0 it makes me hungry.

I realise I have not updated my blog in a while, you already know maybe a bit too much information about me  lol....wait did I tell you about the first time I did a 'proper number 2' haha a few lucky people were in receipt of a photo of that proud moment. Anyway, yes it's been a while and apologies to those who have kept up with me throughout this. This blog is part of me now, in a way it is helping me come to terms with what's happened. 

So I have been home for how long? coming up to 3 months now, gone so quick, only feels like yesterday that I arrived at rehab but in reality I am home, settled into my new home ( did I mention that I could not go back home and as a result had to move into an adapted flat.) and back at work - yay. Feeling quite proud that I managed to get back to work within 6  months.  I have only managed to achieve this by setting myself goals.. They started off so small in the beginning, my first one was something like sitting up on my own all the way to being able to stand up in the standing frame and then working towards being home by April. My next goal is to be full time back at work by the end of July.

What else is new... Oh I know, I have kittens - literally. Soph got them, as a present to cheer me up. I love them. Little Rory and Freddie, they have kept me company on my days off work ( don't be rolling your eyes now, I am not a crazy cat lady) . They were tiny when Soph brought them home, 
they have grown a bit now but actually look like a proper kitten size. They have comforted me when that brave mask of mine slips down, just by coming and sitting on me. So cute.

I went and picked my new wheelchair up on Saturday morning, this is the chair that suppliers at work funded for me for which I am forever greatful for. It is amazing, colours look lush, compact, super light. This chair took just over 3 weeks to design, built from scratch to fit me, shipped over from America and was still here for me before the chair I am due from the Wheelchair Service. The WCS is an actual joke, I went  there a week before I came home so back in March, they offered me a basic lightweight chair ( nothing) special, so why on earth it has taken this long I'll never know. I mean its not as if  I want the damn thing as an accessory. I need it. I can not walk. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough to them when I went there. I mean they already had the refferal from the physio at Stoke and fully assessed me on the day. It is pretty clear that I need one. So yeah the subject of the WCS gets me frustrated and angry.